Former first lady Michelle Obama has shared intimate new details about how she and her husband, former President Barack Obama, kept the spark in their marriage during their time in the White House—while opening up about how their relationship has evolved since his second term came to an end.
Michelle, 61, spent eight years living at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. while Barack, 64, served as president between 2009 and 2017, raising her two daughters, Malia and Sasha, inside the historic building.
Her role as first lady thrust her into the spotlight, while also drawing a huge amount of scrutiny to her marriage, scrutiny that has continued long after their time in the White House came to an end.
For months, speculation has been rife that the couple’s marriage is in trouble and that they are heading toward divorce, rumors that they have repeatedly denied.
Now, Michelle has again shed some light on the intricacies of their relationship, detailing how moving out of the White House has changed the way she and Barack enjoy routine “date nights.”
“We’ve been married 32, 33 [years] … I always forget. Sorry, honey,” she told People while promoting her new fashion-focused book, “The Look.” “When we’re both happy about date night, we’re at home. We are not getting dressed. We just have a nice dinner, candles lit, music, we talk.”
Because they both spend most of their time at their home—a stunning property in the affluent Kalorama Heights neighborhood of DC, which they purchased for $8.1 million in 2017—Michelle joked that they will go to extreme lengths to make those date nights extra special.
“We don’t talk for the whole day, because we’re in the house together all day, right? We work from home. So when we are going to have a really special night, it’s like, ‘Don’t talk to me. Save it for dinner,'” she revealed.
“He’ll be like, ‘Did you talk to the girls?’ ‘I did, but we’re not going to talk about it until date night.’ But sometimes we go out for dinners in DC or wherever. I am too old, I can’t do dinner and a movie. I will fall asleep in the movie. So it’s like, ‘Let’s pick one.'”
The intimate at-home date nights are a far cry from the romantic outings that the duo enjoyed inside the confines of the White House, where they tried to transform every state dinner or gala event into their own special night.
“For those black tie events, that was like our wedding every time. You felt like the belle of the ball,” she said, noting that she gradually grew in confidence during her husband’s presidency—and would try to reflect that in the outfits she wore.
“With each year I got a little riskier; my team and I tried different things. And you’re getting all dolled up for your man. There was an unspoken ritual, he never knew, until I walked out, ready, what I was wearing.
“That’s the romance, those little moments in this crazy world, where we could look at each other and go, ‘You’re cute.’ Then we walk downstairs to a barrage of press, lights, and cameras, and it’s like, ‘Just stay in this moment. It’s really just us. This is nice.'”
Though it has been nearly 10 years since Barack and Michelle left the White House, the lights and cameras have, for the most part, stayed trained on the couple, even as the former first lady has attempted to enjoy a much more private life.
She has all but withdrawn from DC’s political circle in recent years—a move that prompted yet more speculation she and Barack were heading for divorce.
Michelle skipped two major events at the start of 2025: President Donald Trump‘s inauguration, followed by former President Jimmy Carter‘s funeral.
At the time of Carter’s funeral, which took place in Washington, DC, on Jan. 9, the mother of two’s advisers confirmed that she was unable to attend because she was on an extended vacation in Hawaii and had a “scheduling conflict,” according to CNN.
As for Trump’s inauguration, a spokesperson for the Obamas simply stated that, while Barack was “confirmed to attend,” his wife would not be present.
Amid rampant speculation about the reasons for her absences, Michelle later revealed that she had simply chosen to opt out of events that did not feel “right” for her.
“People couldn’t believe that I was saying no for any other reason; they had to assume that my marriage was falling apart,” she said during an April episode of her podcast, “IMO With Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson.”
“It took everything in my power to not do the thing that was perceived as right, but do the thing that was right for me; that was a hard thing for me to do.”
She admitted that she felt incredibly conflicted about skipping the inauguration, joking that she had to convince herself she had nothing to wear so that she would stick to her decision to not attend.
“It started with not having anything to wear,” she recalled. “I was like, if I’m not going to do this thing, I got to tell my team, I don’t even want to have a dress ready, right? Because it’s so easy to just say let me do the right thing.”
Michelle added that she hopes her determination to start saying “no” to more things will help her daughters—and other women—to do the same, shedding the guilt that so often comes with turning down invitations or offers that you feel bound to accept.
“I want our daughters, I want the young women out there … I want my girls to start practicing different strategies for saying no,” she explained.
“After all that I’ve done in this world, if I am still showing them that I have to keep. … I still have to show people that I love my country, that I’m doing the right thing, that I am always setting, going high all the time, even in the face of a lot of hypocrisy and contradiction, all I’m doing is keeping that crazy bar that our mothers and grandmothers set for us.”
Fortunately for Michelle, she and Barack have several dwellings in which to hide away from the spotlight should they choose to.
In addition to their nine-bedroom, 8.5-bathroom primary residence in Kalorama Heights, the couple also own a stunning home in Chicago—where Michelle is from—and a vacation home on Martha’s Vineyard, which they purchased for $11.75 million in 2019.
The seven-bedroom, 8.5-bathroom stunner came complete with its private stretch of coastline and two guest wings, as well as a swimming pool, sundeck, and a marble soaking tub.
If they wish to head further afield, however, they can decamp to Hawaii, where it is understood they own a picturesque waterfront dwelling that is part of a trio of residences being developed by their close friend Marty Nesbitt.
Nesbitt purchased a prime plot of waterfront land for the eye-watering sum of $8.1 million in 2015 and began building a luxury compound of homes, one of which is rumored to have been earmarked for the Obamas.
Barack was pictured visiting the development in 2022, when construction was still underway, with images taken at the time revealing that the structure was nearing completion.
